Even though Corona spread over the world, forcing me to often stay inside, it was quite an action-packed year. This post is more personal and aimed on my experiences through this year, but also what my plans are for 2021.
In April, me and my brother bought and moved into an apartment in Amsterdam. This was the first time moving for me and now I know that it is stressful and picking furniture even more; we still don’t have nice ceiling lights. And Corona didn’t help either, or maybe it did, because a lot of items were ordered online so we didn’t have as much to travel and carry to our apartment. Switching from a quiet place and small town where the new rumors spread like fire, to a fast-paced city full of opportunity was something to get used to. But I’m feeling more and more at home now.
I pretty much stopped producing music from I think Juli, and I’m fine with that. I can always continue when I’m motivated again, but currently I don’t feel the need or motivation to do it.
I’m still busy with my masters but 2020 went really well; I got a lot of grades that I’m proud of. However, it’s pretty sad that we can’t go to school and meet up with friends from school. Just being at school changes your whole mood and can motivate you more than sitting at home in your pajamas, having all the distractions in the world besides you. Also, partly why I moved to Amsterdam was because it’s closer to school, which I couldn’t make use of unfortunately, but fortunately it wasn’t the only reason I moved to Amsterdam. I am also glad I was able to go on a small vacation in the summer, because the Coronal rules were less strict back then.
Mentally November and December were the toughest, I think. I had to do lots of preparations for my master thesis in 2021, for example looking for a fun/challenging project. I worried intensively about what I would do in the future and what project would be nice for me. It took me out of the present. Got rejected pretty harshly by a company which caused me to feel down and insecure about my abilities, but I’m working on them and feel a lot better. I’m actually glad it happened; it made me stronger and more resilient. It gave me some much needed concrete feedback.
In 2020 I’ve also learned that I don’t like sharing some of the things I do because of peoples reactions. I just still worry a lot about what people think of my actions and me. But I am working on that. I learned that it is part of a burden I carry with me. And I’m trying to identify this burden to let it dissolve, mostly through meditation and talking about it. A couple days before new years I started using Headspace, and it has been genuinely helpful. I’m still using it now.
One of my favorite things I’ve written down in my journal this year is: “My suffering is caused by my desires and cravings for being liked and accepted by everyone.”
One thing I haven’t shared with most people is that I’m learning Japanese. A friend of mine and I started learning it at the same time because we both are very interested in Japanese culture and of course Japanese shows. I find it a lot of fun to learn a language, especially one so interesting (although it is hard). Getting better at reading the characters is so motivating to me. In the future I would definitely like to go there for couple of months.
Some things I improved in 2020:
- Using less social media and less on my phone
- Watching less YouTube videos
- Watching less porn
- Created more structure in my life
- Learned more about myself
- More mental clarity
- My IT skills
- The last months I started jogging almost every other day (still doing it as of today)
My most important goals for 2021 are:
- Consistency & seeking discomfort
- Increase mental clarity through structuring my life and meditation
- Get to know myself better through meditation and writing
- Get great at programming in Python by doing exercises on AlgoExpert and CodeSignal and reading books
- Improve my Japanese
- Improve my writing
- Keep running every other day
- Finish my master
- Get a job
To support my search towards mental clarity and happiness, it doesn’t feel right to upload as much as possible. So much clutter and information exists on the internet, so it should be concise. I want to create helpful, quality content. Therefore I will revise my articles when outdated, or delete ones I think are less helpful. Ultimately, my content this year will be mostly aimed at mental clarity and less is more.
Thanks for reading. I hope this motivates you to work hard in 2021, or just was a fun read :).